A Glorious New Era

I still love this article. It's from late September of 2004, and was sumbitted to the new editor, the one I eventually had a falling out with (see A Brief Introduction - as a side note to that, I did get confirmation that the new editor was sleeping with that unfunny new girl. According to my source, my old editor, they are "naked friends"). Star says that everyone should read it. I think I made some pretty good points.

Well, it seems as though I am a little behind and have not yet compiled a rant to send in. Actually, I did write an article for the last paper, but right after I submitted it to my editor, I left the library only to find that copies of the issue I was submitting to had already been printed. Alas, today’s contents will not be a rant, but something positive for a change. Since it is my last year here (Huzzah!), I have a chance to take a few electives, and since I’m not about to try anything difficult (why would I waste an opportunity for easy classes?) I decided to take Spanish 101. This has nothing to do with the rest of the article, but it brings us to the focal point of my story. I’m sitting in this class, and a guy I met there is telling me about how nervous he is to ask a girl for her phone number, and that every time he tries to bring himself to spit it out, he bails.

This got me thinking, I am not particularly afraid of women (especially after being raised in a Hungarian family chock full of 200+ pound wooden-spoon-wielding matrons); in fact, this March I actually became engaged to one (not a spoon-wielding matron, a woman). So, what is it that I have that enables me to approach unfamiliar women without blathering on like a maniac? Well, true, one part of it is that I’m not romantically interested in them. But furthermore, after spending five years with my current fiancé, I have realized a something that I would like to share with the men out there:

You have a better chance than ever or getting a date with that girl in your (random subject) class, for behold: this is the Age of the Nice Guy! At this point in their lives, girls have all been through high school, and have dated their fill of assholes. Remember that guy you really wanted to be in high school? He dated that really hot girl, was really popular even though he was thickheaded, blah blah blah and the rest of the stereotype. Well guess what? He’s not here at UBC, in fact you’re bound to meet him one day, overweight and most likely punching your ticket at a movie theatre. But I digress, the point is that girls aren’t looking for jock assholes anymore, most of them are sick of bad boys at this point, and are looking for kind, caring people. Sure, having a six-pack helps, but it’s no longer a prerequisite. You’re more likely to find a date if you’re nice to her, than if you spend all of your time telling her about your abs.

UBC accepts a very marginal amount of high school students, to quote last issues’ unnamed author “everyone here is the cream of the crop”. This bodes well for you gents. It means that the ladies are here because they want to study; they are the intelligent girls from high schools all over the world, in fact they are the complete opposite of the too-much-makeup-high-school-bimbo that laughed at you for asking her out all those years ago. The only thing you need now is confidence.

Confidence is a big issue with women. Remember that kid in Jerry Maguire who spent the whole movie telling people that dogs and bees can smell fear? Well women can smell confidence, but more importantly, the can smell nervousness. I don’t know how they do it, and am slightly curious as to what nervousness smells like, but I’ve seen it many times before. Let me describe this for you: A guy and a girl are standing face to face talking, the guy is nervous and is fidgeting a little, suddenly and without warning, the girl’s eyes narrow, her upper lip curls slightly at the nervous scent, and she smiles politely and excuses herself from the guy’s company…forever. It only takes a fraction of a second, and is hard to notice, but it’s there.

Therefore, my best advice is to be confident. Just go up to her (don’t fidget and stutter) and ask her for her number, what’s the worst that could happen? The best part about UBC is that there are tens of thousands of students here and that, for the most part, you are completely anonymous. There’s no possible way that her rejection could affect your chances with another girl, unless it’s her sister. As long as you don’t come off as a pompous ass, your chances are probably pretty good. Just make sure you ask her when she’s not standing with another guy, because on the off chance that he is her boyfriend, the fact that you can’t really bench press a Buick may actually become an issue.